tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13675677424426782072024-03-05T01:35:17.101-08:00Alive in the MysteryMy navigations through life as a mother, wife, artist, and homesteader.betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.comBlogger78125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-30958770476848469342013-01-04T16:14:00.000-08:002013-01-04T16:14:36.591-08:00Revelations<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's 3:30pm, Jasper is finally sleeping, and so far the only chores I have managed to accomplish today are transporting the laundry from the drier to the bed and trimming 3 of Jasper's fingernails. Jasper coincidentally has managed to cut himself twice on the face today with his other nails. So, what am I doing writing instead of trimming the rest or putting away laundry? Well, this once neat-freak girl has learned that chaos is a neccessary aspect of motherhood. I have relaxed about the state of my home a little (and luckily my husband has picked up many of the areas where I slack off!) since Jasper came along. Now, when he sleeps, I divide my time between what has to get done and what I would like to do for myself. So right now, I am stealing a little time before he wakes to bring you other such revelations and changes from the past couple of weeks. <br />
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Another thing I have discovered recently is that Jasper continually rocks my world more and more every day. I keep reaching new plateaus of thinking I couldn't possibly love being his mama any more than I already do, and then he comes up with some new coo or new way of interacting with me that bursts my heart open even more. He is amazing. He LOVES talking, especially when he is getting his diaper changed. He looks me right in the eye as he gurgles and says, "A-Gooooo, ooo-aaahh," but, with the sweet intent expression on his face, it seems like he is saying the most important thing in the world. Then his eyes stray to the ceiling fan and he spends several minutes enthusiastically chattering away and laughing in it's direction. I do believe the ceiling fan is his best friend. <br />
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Jasper loves being social. We went to a crowded holiday party at a friend's house just before Christmas. He wore this outfit:<br />
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and was thus the hit of the party, especially with the ladies. Seriously, he stayed up way past his bedtime and didn't have his usual evening meltdown. He was loving it. Until the car-ride home, during which he wailed the entire way. Poor little dude. I think we were all a little stressed. <br />
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We have started going to a new mom's group once a week. Jasper loves it, of course, being a socialite. He loves staring at the other babies, looking wide-eyed when he hears that he isn't the only one who cries. And I love it too. It is good for me to see other mamas with younger babies going through similar things that I went through, like breastfeeding issues, and mamas with similar aged babies going through what I am going through now, and mamas with older babies going through what I have ahead of me. It helps me feel less alone in my experience and normalizes the hard things in a way that brings in some softness and ease. And it is fun! I love how I find myself in an hour long conversation about baby bowel movements and used baby clothing stores with other mamas who normally I wouldn't have enough in common with to share as many words. Babies break down the walls of the differences between us. (I swear if mothers ruled the world, we would indeed have peace on earth and all life would thrive!) It is especially good for me too to hear that my baby isn't the only one who sometimes cries inconsolably!<br />
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Jasper had his first overnight trip on the winter solstice. We stayed in a nice rustic cabin in a campground on the Oregon coast. It was such a lovely time with just the three of us. Beautiful and sweet. It was nice to break up our routine a little bit and be in a new environment. But, of course, Jasper cried A LOT throughout the morning. Poor little dude. <br />
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We had a test-run last week back at my job with Charlotte. Her parents are happy for me to bring Jasper with me when I come to be with Charlotte. Just in case, Lucas came with me to be available to help with Jasper if needed. It was awesome to spend time with Charlotte again, as I have missed having her in my weekly life. But, it clearly wasn't working for us. Jasper did a lot of crying. He is young enough and discontent enough that he needs me a lot of the time. Even with having Lucas there to help, it was overwhelming and stressful for Jasper, Lucas, and I. I realized that the arrangement would not be fair to Jasper nor to Charlotte at this time and so we decided to give it more time before I go back to work. Luckily, I have the luxary of this choice, and luckily Charlotte has a childcare backup plan in the meantime. <br />
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Jasper is now 12 weeks old and is weighing in at 15 pounds and 1 ounce as of this morning. My latest revelation is that it is time for me to stop trying to stuff him into my favorite 0-3 month clothes. They are just too tight! He is growing up (and out). It is time I accepted this and allow him to wear exclusively the roomier 3-6 month clothes. His developmental changes are speeding up too. Jasper still doesn't love floor time. He manages to enjoy it for a few minutes at a time. And he especially doesn't love tummy time, which he can only stand for less than a minute at a time. <br />
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He prefers to practice standing, which he is getting really really good at, jumping, and sitting. He wants to be a big boy. From these more upright positions he is working hard on his finer motor skills. <br />
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He is sooooo aware of his hands and is really intent on commanding them to cooperate with his mind. He loves using his hands to stroke the varying textures of different objects like my hands or Lucas', different fabrics, the plants, and even the cats. He is starting to get really good at grasping his toys and holding on to them for longer periods of time, and is even bringing them slowly to his mouth with more accuracy, not just banging himself in the cheek with them! He loves his playtime, until he doesn't. And then he is sure to let us know that he is DONE. <br />
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You may have caught on that Jasper cries a lot. We are learning that Jasper is very particular. Lucas said this morning that "the nut doesn't fall far from the tree," the tree being me in this case. (Wait, was he calling Jasper a nut?!?) Anyway, Jasper is very good at communicating what he <strong>doesn't </strong>want to be doing and when he is tired. I celebrate that he is a good communicator, and I am trying to learn how to be more diligently aware and responsive to his early cues to avoid meltdowns. He has a tendency to get himself worked up, his cry escalating really really fast when something is amiss and it just about breaks my heart into pieces. Now that I am being shown that all babies have their moments like this, I know I can approach them with more relaxation, focusing on surrounding him with love instead of my own stress of being unable to fix what ever is wrong. And as he gets older, we can focus on showing him how to regulate these emotions efficiently and healthily. <br />
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Really, Jasper does rock my world. And, really, he does have way more happy moments than sad. And, really, we are all doing awesome. We are learning so much about baby J every day and absolutely loving to watch as he learns and figures out what this being alive business is all about. We think he is the cutest and most brilliant kid around. And we don't think we are biased ;) Now, please excuse me while I quickly try to put away the laundry before the handsome sleeper wakes up!<br />
<br />betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-83659989428069291742012-12-14T21:11:00.001-08:002012-12-14T21:11:18.302-08:00Hope and Light and JasperToday Jasper is just over 2 months old! He has journeyed 9 weeks plus 2 days into his life. And he is thriving and happy and amazing and rocking our world. We are so in love. <br />
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Today I am deely compelled to not let him out of my sight, to hold him close to my body and breathe the sweet scent of him in long slow breaths. With gratitude that he came to us, and that he is still here, I feel so lucky to be his mama. <br />
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Today is the day when tragedy struck an elementary school in Connecticut.<br />
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Today everyone's heart is heavy. Everyone talks about holding their children close, about being grateful for every moment together. There is fear and anger and deep sadness in us. We pray for the families of the victims and the horrified survivors. We want better gun control. We want better access to mental health treatment for those who need it. At a time when life on earth seems so fragile and vulnerable, we want more than anything to help create a world that is safe and lovely for our children to thrive in. Forever. But how? How?<br />
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Today I saw this quote on facebook: "Don't be discouraged by your incapacity to dispel darkness from the world. Light your candle and step forward." ~ Amma<br />
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If we do this, will the darkness naturally be dispelled? I don't know. But, I have always felt that the children are the bearers of hope for the future of humanity. They are the bearers of light. They are our candles. In their purity and their beauty, they light us up so fully and incredibly. They have the power to reignite our light. And we are their teachers. We show them how to maintain their light. Each and every one of us, whether we are a parent or not, has the power to do this. We have the power to teach them to embrace their light and let it shine. We show them through our own actions how to share their light, how to work through the dark aspects of life in healthy ways (and I think this is KEY), and how to step forward in the world casting their light in all directions. It is a start anyway. And perhaps these are things we can remind each other of as well.<br />
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And at this moment, I hold a little vulnerable baby snuggled against me as I type. A bright future in the making, a shining potential willing itself to unfurl, a candle naturally and instinctually burning bright. I bask in this glow, am warmed by it, and again feel some hope. <br />
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He is nothing but a bright potential. He is learning and growing and changing so fast. His individual personality is beginning to emerge more and more. He is learning how to use his body and how to explore his world. He is simply amazing. I am so grateful that he is the one I get to lead through this life! I celebrate him, his discoveries, and his developmental strides! <br />
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He has amazing muscle tone and always has dirt under his nails.<br />
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His new favorite activity is practicing to stand and jump (with a lot of support and assistance, of course).<br />
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He loves to stare at our faces, deep into our eyes, and tell us about his day with his increasing cooing and babbling. "A-GOO!"<br />
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He also loves to stare at the ceiling fans, one of his daddy's didgeridoo's that is nearly pretzel shaped, and the trees when we go for walks outside.<br />
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He holds his head up so well now when we are holding him, and is starting to lift it up off the ground during tummy time. He is also starting to play with his hands and bring them to his mouth, as well as grasping his toys. <br />
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He spends more and more time awake during the day, and is starting to resist nap time. Especially when we have company over. Like last night. He entertained our guests with his chattering and giggling well past his normal bedtime. It was awesome. <br />
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Yes, he loves being social. He even had his first playdate last week with baby Julius who is 1 month older than Jasper. Mostly they both slept and nursed. But they did spend a few minutes laying next to each other, inadvertantly touching hands now and then. And then one of them started crying and it set the other off crying. And then they took turns crying and listening to the other cry....their first experience with peer empathy. :) <br />
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He weighs close to 13 pounds and has grown out of his newborn clothes, now sporting 3-6 month clothes. He has so many chubby rolls and a beautiful bulging belly. Chubb-a-wubba-bubba-boo!<br />
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And when he smiles, it is a full embodied smile. His eyes light up, expressing his joy. And I feel certain that he understands that when I smile back, we are happy together. We are lighting each other up and stepping forward together.<br />
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betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-16438468888136274862012-11-25T13:04:00.004-08:002012-11-25T13:11:22.382-08:00Mother's LoveIn the wake of Thanksgiving, I am still feeling gratitude for the big as well as the little blessings in my life. <br />
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Big things, like:<br />
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* The incredible gift of my sweet and luminous son, Jasper<br />
* The steady love of my dearest dear, Lucas, and his unwavering presence as a father to our baby<br />
* The endless support of our families who came to help us during the first weeks of Jasper's life<br />
* The many post-partum meals contributed by our local community of friends <br />
* Shelter<br />
* Fresh food<br />
* Clean water<br />
* Health<br />
* Happiness<br />
* Safety<br />
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And the little things, that in these post-partum days can feel like big things. Big-little steps taken towards re-normalizing my life post-Jasper's birth. Things that maybe other new moms are rushed into earlier than I because their partners have to go back to work or because their family and friends aren't able to help them out as much or because they have other children to tend to too. For my comparative lucky and slow movement back out of the fog, I am incredibly grateful. And so I find myself celebrating the little things, the little post-partum steps I have taken in the past few weeks off of the couch and out of the fog:<br />
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* Wearing earrings for the first time (yes, even this felt like a big deal at the time!)<br />
* Taking a shower for the first time, with no one home but Jasper and me<br />
* Preparing my own breakfast and lunch<br />
* Helping to prepare dinner<br />
* Preparing a pancake breakfast for my husband<br />
* Sweeping the floors<br />
* Cleaning the bathroom<br />
* Driving myself and Jasper into town for the first time, with no one else accompanying us<br />
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And then there was the first time I drove myself into town for an appointment and left Jasper at home with his Daddy. I hesitated in the doorway for a number of minutes, tears brimming at my eyelids, feeling like something inside of me was being torn apart. Lucas held Jasper on the other side of the room, urging me on with his gentle smile. I trusted them both and knew they both had each other. I knew they would be fine, more than fine.<br />
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But what about me....would I be fine? Away from my baby for the first time in 11 months, for the first time since two cells met and married inside my body and our physical and emotional bond began?<br />
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Driving away from the house, I really felt the physicality of our emotional bond. I felt the invisible thread streaming out behind me, connecting me to him, tugging at me. No matter how far I drove on, it's presence was still there and still just as strong. And I knew it would always be there. That this drive away from him is one little step I will be making over and over again throughout his whole life. That we will always be connected this deeply, however subtly. That eventually he will be making this drive away from me, over and over and over and over. And whether he feels it or not as a rebellious teenager, I will always feels that thread running between us, heart to heart. Even then I am sure I will feel it tugging at me. I will want to retract the thread and pull him back closer to me, as I am sure my mother still wishes she could do with me to bring me home once and for all. And like her, I know I will eventually have to let it run loose, let the invisible thread unravel freely as far as it needs to go. Trusting that we will always be connected and always return in our own ways to each other. <br />
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And so another layer of the meaning and experience of "mother-love" is revealed to me. And I am grateful. Grateful for the heartache of separation that illuminates for me the invisible threads connecting every mother to every child. For that thread that connects me to my son, and the one that connects me to my mother.<br />
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When I returned that day, Jasper layed soundly asleep in his father's secure arms. They were fine. And I discovered that I was fine too. <br />
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<br />betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-14636406003358339862012-11-13T17:57:00.000-08:002012-11-13T17:58:00.745-08:00A Month of Jasper<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A month of loving Jasper already come and gone and moving into the second month! For him a month is all he knows as forever...and for me this past month feels like one long day. A long day made up of continuous 2-4 hour cycles of feedings, diaper changes, and short naps. And yet time passes too fast. Jasper has changed so much already and the inevitability of him graduating from high school promises to be a quick tomorrow. </div>
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We savor every moment that we can amidst adapting to our new life together. The sweetness of holding him as he sleeps. The sounds he makes...imitations of the calls of Canadian geese in flight and donkeys hee-hawing and baby terydactals snorting...the coos...the gasps. The smiles that emerge more genuinely every day. His amazing capacity to hold eye contact and look into rather than at our eyes. His positive reactions to our playfulness. His gentle, bright, and loving spirit. The obvious amount of strength he has already gained. And how he reveals more and more of who he is to us each day.<br />
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Jasper loves to be held. Especially when sleeping. He loves big bounces on the yoga ball. He loves to dance with his mama and to receive fuzzy whisker kisses from his papa. Jasper loves the "Super Jasper" cape his Aunt Jaime made him, strategically placed on his changing table to distract him, and his stuffed bird Louise who covers his face with her peck kisses. He loves bath-time and tummy-time. He loves looking in the mirror and at pictures of family. But more than that, he loves visits from family and being held by them while he sleeps. Jasper loves walks outside, and doesn't mind car rides. His favorite food right now is mama's milk, and his favorite spot is right next to the milk factory. <br />
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Jasper doesn't like waking up from sleep and he doesn't like waiting for his milk when he's ready to eat. Also, he doesn't like it when a meal is over. He doesn't like diaper changes nor does he like the gas that frequently moves through him. He goes from zero to sixty, as our lactation consultant observed, so quickly. But luckily for us, he can be soothed just as fast as we can change the diaper, or get him his milk, or bounce big on the yoga ball. Otherwise, he is pretty mellow and easy going. <br />
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We are so grateful for our little buddy. It has been amazing to watch him grow and to be the ones to hold him closest to our hearts. And yet, this first month was not all blissful. It was not glamourous. It was hard. And it was messy. I can say that now, looking back at the past month, as we start to emerge from the fog of it all. I had always felt that I was so prepared for motherhood with all of my experience with newborns and infants. But I see now that there is <u>always</u> a learning curve, for everyone, and that....well....this transition time was harder than I predicted it would be. <br />
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Blessed with an easy and smooth conception, pregnancy, and birth, it was apparently time for me to pay my dues in the early post-partum period. Granted, I didn't have it nearly as bad as many people do. And for that I am grateful. I am grateful for the strong network of family and friends who reached out and helped us through it all. I am grateful for a steady and supportive husband, more than willing to pitch in and tend the fire. I am grateful to live in a community where there are amazing resources to help with this transition time. I am grateful for our wonderful midwives who increased the frequency of our post-partum care. And, I am grateful to be coming out on the other side totally fine. How do women do it who don't have these support networks?? My respect for all mother's has infinitly grown this past month. I am in awe.<br />
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I don't want to dwell much here on our early post-partum issues, because I know they are small potatoes compared to those of others....so I will just sum it up real quick-like. Extremely painful nursing latch, mastitis, atelechtasis, decreased milk supply which led to Jasper not gaining weight for over a week and having to supplement his feedings with donor milk, having Jasper's upper lip-tie released, getting cranio-sacral for Jasper, doing everything I could to increase my milk supply (pumping, herbs, acupuncture, etc), feelings of stress and anxiety and overwhelm, lots of tears and being worn thin, and visits with multiple lactation consultants to find the right one, the one who we call the "Boobie Whisperer." Thank god for her. And thank god for our support network. <br />
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Now we are coming out of it all. The fog is rising. My milk has returned. The nursing pain is decreasing. Jasper weighs 2 pounds more than at birth. And Lucas and I have more time and energy to really enjoy our little man. And, man, are we in love. <br />
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betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-70144658297341681492012-11-02T18:40:00.001-07:002012-11-02T18:42:51.843-07:00The Birth of Jasper SageIt was a Wednesday night when he joined us, in the quiet comfort of our own bedroom and surrounded by a few trusted and gentle people. He came out totally vital: pink and squirming, crying loud as the oxygen filled and expanded his lungs for the first time. He was layed in my arms immediately, the quick reward for hours of work. And the hours of work quickly faded into silent memory as we joyously basked in his beauty and this miracle of life. Jasper Sage. Our precious son.<br />
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The previous day was my due date, October 9th, 2012. Up until this point I had had no signs that labor was imminent. I woke that Tuesday morning and cleaned my house top to bottom to ready for my parent's arrival later that night. Later that day, I sat as a "belly model" at my old school, Birthingway College of Midwifery, where my rounded belly was used as a practice model for new midwifery students to begin honing their palpation skills. 15 students and 2 instructors each took turns gently pressing and squeezing my belly with the flats of their hands and fingers, trying to determine the position of my little one. This hour long uterine massage brought about multiple Braxton Hicks contractions, the painless warm-up contractions that I had been experiencing for months. Due to the extended palpations, they were now coming at a greater frequency. And when I walked out the front door of the school at 5pm to catch the bus home, I felt something different. My uterus contracted, but this time there was a sensation to it. Cramping, a new level of tightness. And with it, a sudden wave of vulnerability and the urge to get home as soon as possible. <br />
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I had several more of these contractions on the way home, about 10 minutes apart and lasting 30-45 seconds each, and knew that this was the beginning of early labor for me. I also knew intellectually that this development could fade and be a false alarm, but intuitively I felt otherwise. Being a former student of midwifery, I knew well enough what to do at this early stage of labor. Eat what I could. Drink plenty of fluids. And rest as much as possible to conserve energy for hard labor and pushing. And so for the next 20 hours or so, I did just that. During this entire time, my contractions were never closer than 7-10 minutes apart, and lasted no longer than 45 seconds each. The contractions felt much like the intense menstrual cramps I have been lucky enough to have during my entire menstruating history: dull pain that wraps around my lower torso, deep and full, nauseating, and enough to stop me in my tracks and draw my brain down into my uterus. I say lucky in that my menstrual periods prepared me well for labor, and I found labor relatively easy to cope with as a result. <br />
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Not able to concentrate on anything else, I couldn't even read. In between contractions, I layed on the couch or in bed on my side and instantly sprung up into a hands and knees position during contractions. Swaying my hips back and forth and focusing on deep breathing, I rode these lighter waves and mentally prepared myself for the harder ones yet to come. And meanwhile, I visualized exactly what these contractions were meant to do: I imagined that the tightenings of my uterus were pulling the tissue from my cervix up into the body of my uterus, thus causing the cervix to open and thin while allowing the baby more space to descend. And I willed myself to relax the rest of my body around these tightenings. The sudden flame-like sensations rising from my core up towards my navel became hot and striking, and the pressure in my sacrum increased as well. I even threw up a couple of times.<br />
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My midwives arrived at 2 pm on Wednesday to check in on me. They took my vitals, listened to the baby's heartrate, confirmed baby's position, and did a cervical check. I was prepared to not have made much progress so far, as early labor had been quite easy for me and as I had seen so many go through a similar early stage only to dilate 1 cm or so. To the surprise of us all, I was actually 5 cm dilated, 100% effaced, with the baby's head at +1 station! Tears of relief spontaneously released. The midwives left, requesting that we contact them as soon as contractions started to become more intense and frequent. And as soon as they left our house, it was like a light switch was turned on in my body from the knowledge of being this dilated. My body decided that it was time to get this show on the road! <br />
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Suddenly, contractions were more frequent, every 4-5 minutes instead of every 7-10, yet still lasting only 45 seconds or so. And the intensity of them was kicked up a notch, making me moan through them to cope, louder and louder as time went on. Active labor had begun. Lucas called the midwives back less than half an hour after they left, and then proceeded to start setting up the birthing tub. <br />
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It was after dark when the midwives arrived, one by one. The lights were low, my birth mix music was playing, it was quiet and cozy in our home. The midwives set up their equipment, organized birth supplies and helped Lucas prepare the birth tub, while I moved through contraction after contraction. I thought of several births I had been to over the years, and the ways I had witnessed different women cope with their labors. What a gift it was to have those experiences as resources for my own birth. I repeated mantras in my head that I had heard other women use: "Open...open...open." And "I can do this, I am doing this." "I am strong." And yet, I still didn't feel overwhelmed or like I couldn't do this. I knew I could and I did.<br />
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Once in the birth tub, I felt incredibly grateful for the warm water to move around in and to ease the edges of my contractions. I was grateful for the unobtrusiveness and silent confidence of the midwives. I was grateful for my calm and supportive husband who sat with me during the thickest hours of labor, massaging my shoulders, laying cool washcloths on my forehead and neck, keeping my water glass full, holding the bucket when I threw up again. There were even contractions when I found myself smiling and feeling joy, grateful to finally be birthing the baby I had dreamed about having my entire life, and grateful to feel on top of the process of labor. <br />
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At some point towards the end of my 5 hour active labor, I could tell that baby was even lower in my pelvis because there was increased pressure in my rectum. That is where I first felt the contractions rise, followed by the flames shooting up my lower abdomen. I vaguely knew that this sensation in my bottom was my body telling me to start pushing, yet I was scared to listen to this. I hesitated for a long long time before I found the courage to push with a contraction. But finally I did. I even checked myself at this point to see where baby was....and was shocked to feel the baby's head just a knuckle and a half inside! So low, so close. <br />
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I pushed in the birth tub for about 2 hours, changing my position frequently yet not feeling like I was making any progress. And still a little scared to *really* push with all my might. The head midwife sensed that I wasn't progressing with my pushing, and suggested I get out of the birth tub for awhile to switch things up. She also suggested that I let her check my cervix to make sure it was in fact fully dilated. In the bedroom, on my bed, she indeed found that I had a cervical lip, a crescent moon of my cervix was not dilated and was potentially preventing the baby from descending further. I knew that my 2 options at this point were to stop pushing with contractions to allow my cervix to finish dilating, or to allow my midwife to hold the cervical lip back with her fingers while I pushed until the baby's head was pushed past the cervix. I opted for the second option, as I felt like there was no way I could *not* push with my contractions at this point. My urge to puch was too strong not to, and it hurt way more to not push. Plus, that first option could have taken a long time too, running the risk of wearing me out and leaving me with little energy to push my baby out. <br />
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It only took a handful of contractions for my midwife and I to get the baby past the cervical lip, and from then on pushing felt way more effective. I could feel the baby move. I decided to stay in a semi reclined position on my bed for the next 1.5 hours of pushing. I had no desire to move anywhere else, and found it so much easier to fully relax in between contractions on my bed. My midwives and Lucas were my cheerleaders, encouraging me to push beyond what I thought possible, to push through the intense sensations I was having, to keep going and going and going.<br />
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I admit it, I hated pushing. Some women love it apparently. I hated it. It was the most painful part of my labor. I felt like my pelvis was splitting open from both sides of my sacrum around to my pubic bone. My tissue burned like a thousand fires as it stretched. I wanted this to be over. I didn't believe them all when they said I was making so much progress with each push...I felt like I would have to do this forever. And that I had no choice but to do just that. I had to surrender to this force. To my body. To the sensations. To my baby who needed me to do this work to bring it safely into the world. It was the most intense surrender I have ever undergone, the most all consuming. I relaxed in between contractions as much as I could to gather my strength and energy, and let myself wail loudly while pushing to help bring this baby down. <br />
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Finally, my bag of waters broke, all over the midwife, all over my bed. When this happened, the pushing became even more intense and effective. I could *really* feel baby moving down now. And soon enough I felt that fabled burning ring of fire, and the animal in me doing everything I could to get my baby out, now! I looked down and watched as the head emerged, covered in a downy blond fuzz. And with the next contraction, I nearly struggled to find the energy to push the body out. But I did. I did. 10:43 pm.<br />
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I did it. I did it. I did what my body was made to do. I did it. <br />
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A wailing baby was lifted up from between my legs and laid in my arms on my chest. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Our baby was here! Pink and perfect, vibrant and fully present! My baby was here and the pain of labor was suddenly gone! Thank god! I lifted the receiving blanket and moved the still pulsing umbilical cord to the side to discover that this baby was not the girl we were mostly expecting, but was a boy after all! A boy! A perfect beautiful boy! <br />
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I am so lucky. I am so lucky. <br />
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A dream come true in my arms at last. <br />
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Labor a distant memory already. (Though I still haven't forgotten how much pushing sucked!)<br />
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Jasper Sage. Our precious son. <br />
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7 lbs 11 oz (the same birth weight as both his mom and dad!) and 21.5 inches long. 10/10 Apgars. betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-31099039260408581312012-09-29T21:04:00.001-07:002012-09-29T21:16:46.966-07:00From Honeymoon to Harvest Baby Moon<em>Finally, I return to write more. I have hopes of finishing the tales of our Honeymoon in Thailand before Baby Gram decides to make his or her grand appearance! We shall see if that is possible. :)</em><br />
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Well, that is how tonight's post started anyway. An hour later, I have decided to cross "finish honeymoon blogging" off of my Pre-Baby To-Do List, without actually doing it. It is very apparent that my window of time to catch up with blog posts about the past is quickly coming to an end. And since my self-given task of writing about events from 6 months ago has actually prevented me from writing at all, I am choosing to just start where I am now, in the present moment.<br />
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Lucas and I sit in the living room with the lights out this evening, letting the surprisingly bright light of the rising full harvest moon cast it's glow on our skin and on the shiny surface of our plants, while sending moon shadows across our wood floors. We talk about how the harvest moon has come at the perfect time for us, as the baby we have been growing and nurturing for the past 9+ months is about to be born. And who knows, this harvest of ours could happen tonight or tomorrow night, or next week or the next. Any day now, any week now. All I know is that I can't possibly be pregnant 4 weeks from now when the next full moon rises and crosses the sky. And so this moon cycle, this harvest moon, is our baby's moon. <br />
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We are in the homestretch now, in the waiting phase. We have all of our baby and birth supplies gathered and organized, all of the projects done that <strong>have </strong>to be done before baby arrives. Now we are working on other less important projects, going on date nights while we can, and sitting quietly in the living room enjoying the moonlight, just because we can. We wait for this little bright glow growing within me to arrive on the outside and light up our lives in surprising and unimaginable ways. <br />
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How will this little being change us? How will she or he shape our lives? Is it a girl or a boy? What will the baby be like and what will it look like? When will our little munchkin decide to arrive?? The anticipation builds, the curiosity and the readiness to discover who this kid is intensifies every day! What are your predictions? <br />
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The one thing I know for certain is that after the baby arrives, most of my blog posts are certain to be about Baby Gram and how luminously it lights up our world, much like this beautiful harvest moon tonight. betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-37431262870694709172012-05-02T12:35:00.000-07:002012-05-02T12:35:47.711-07:00The Honeymoon Begins!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Finally, I bring to you stories from the honeymoon-adventure that Lucas and I enjoyed in Thailand from mid-February to mid-March of this year. Most of what I will write about our trip will come directly from the journal I diligently kept while traveling, with some new reflections added in. It will no doubt take several posts to cover all of the experiences we had while there. So, please check back here for more posts in the weeks to come! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em><strong>As a preface to the chronicles of our trip:</strong> </em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>The 6 months that followed the day I married my love in Mt. Shasta were jammed full of work, holidays, moving from Dunsmuir, CA to Portland, OR, putting our trailer in Dunsmuir on the market, putting an offer on a home in Portland, and discovering our pregnancy. Together with the months of wedding preparation we previously slaved away at, Lucas and I had had very little down time in the past year. We were ripe for a big vacation and are blessed to have been able to make that happen. As a last minute bonus, our honeymoon also became our celebrated baby-moon, likely the last big trip we will take alone as a couple for a long, long time. Little did we know how awesome our honeybabymoon would be. </em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>From journal entries, February 18th and 19th, 2012:</strong> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">On Valentine's Day, we boarded our evening flight to San Francisco from Portland. We had a 1.5 hour flight and a 1.5 hour layover before boarding our 13 hour overnight flight from San Fran to Taipei, Taiwan. When we arrived in Taipei, it was 6:30 in the morning on the 16th. How strange. The older Taiwanese woman seated next to me and I did a televised Chi Gong routine together, as the immaculate and beautiful crew of China Air prepared for landing, my seatmate translating for me. It was a nice way to end the long flight and wake up my body after being sedentary for so long, not to mention a lovely way to connect with a stranger. Our brief time in the Taipei airport was a confused rush of finding the correct terminal, barely enough time to catch our connection to Thailand. 4 hours later we were landing in Bangkok, on the opposite side of the world from where we began our journey. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Stepping out into the sweltering hot and humid morning, we briefly searched for our ride. Lucky for us, Lucas has friends living in Bangkok who were happy to pick us up at the airport and house us for our first night in Thailand. They were wonderful, and helped make our transition to a new place so smooth and easy. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Our day with Melissa and John was all about awesome food. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">We started our food tour with a fresh fruit smoothie before having a late lunch at a traditional Muslim restaurant. This was the first Muslim food I have had, and, wow, was it amazing! Rice cooked with clove, saffron, and cinnamon, topped with simple but perfectly cooked lamb chunks and a delicious tangy/oily sauce. We ate this with a chicken soup: a few pieces of perfectly cooked chicken in a spicy, sweet, sour, and flavorful clear broth. I have no idea what spices were in the soup, but it was almost too good. Our first afternoon snack was Roti, a common street-cart specialty. Roti is basically fried dough topped with sweetened condensed milk and sugar and stuffed with slices of banana (it was fried in the orangest margarine I have ever seen - read MSG!). Not something I would normally eat, but indeed a good taste of Thailand. Our second afternoon snack was butter chicken cooked by a man who does this Indian-Pakistani-Afghani fusion. An awesome chicken curry Indian style, but with some little differences. Fresh mangosteens and rose apples from the market were our pre-dinner snack. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCb-XwLCHvceYDkw_Z_N_p5szT6CkItbkKzHbboVKepi4uOW5WkqRH4WtOWMRI4RqgZsdz48OaNHYIXpHb6NuUSMJKEq4GL8BjPIl1TDRKKRGtYxLz4H-R2PolI87hBN5KAH7twipc-1o/s1600/007.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCb-XwLCHvceYDkw_Z_N_p5szT6CkItbkKzHbboVKepi4uOW5WkqRH4WtOWMRI4RqgZsdz48OaNHYIXpHb6NuUSMJKEq4GL8BjPIl1TDRKKRGtYxLz4H-R2PolI87hBN5KAH7twipc-1o/s200/007.JPG" width="150" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">For dinner we went to this nice restaurant called <a href="http://www.facebars.com/en/bangkok/restaurant/" target="_blank">Face</a> with a Thai menu, an Indian menu, and a Japanese menu. The ambiance was the best part - you walk to the restaurant via a wooden deck lined with little coves, hangout nooks on different levels, a massage hut, koi ponds. Inside the all wooden structure, it is decorated very authentically with Thai antiques, artwork, and dim lights. Dinner consisted of the best mango lassi I have ever had as well as several shared Indian dishes that were unique in their preparation and ingredients - different than any other Indian food I have had before. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">With all the food stuffed into my belly during the day, on top of jet lag and lack of sleep and being pregnant, by the time we returned to our host's beautiful house, I had hit a wall of exhaustion. I slept great that night! John and Melissa, in Thailand on a military assignment, live in a very nice neighborhood in Bangkok rightly nicknamed Little America, made up of 90% American ex-pats. Big beautiful houses in a well kept gated community with lots of trees and beautiful plants - hard to believe it was Bangkok and not in the middle of the jungle instead. Incidentally, they have seen pythons and cobras in their yard! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The next morning, we got a taxi to the bus station and were just in time to catch the 11:00 bus, headed south to the coast. It was about a 5 hour journey to Prachuap Khiri Khan, beautiful as we got further away from Bangkok into the jungle and closer to the ocean. The bus dropped us off on the highway outside of town. We apparently had no other option but to hire 2 motorbike taxis to take us into town. Yes, imagine pregnant me on the back of a little motorbike, wearing a big backpack and no helmet, riding at a high speed on the highways. Praying is what I did during the entire 10 minute ride. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Safe and sound, we were dropped off at <a href="http://maggiesprachuap.webs.com/" target="_blank">Maggie's Homestay,</a> just 2 blocks from the ocean. For 2 nights we rented a cute 2nd story room in this big house that rents out several rooms to travellers. We shared a bathroom with a few other people and had use of the communal kitchen too. It is a nice, laid back place with a central location, clean, friendly and very safe feeling. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Prachuap Khiri Khan is a noisy and bustling coastal town, with lots of cars and motorbikes and bicycles and people zooming around. Other than a beautiful view of surrounding islands, the beach scene was pretty much non-existant. We didn't see one person in the water during our stay and few people walking on the littered beach. We stayed in this town long enough to explore a few of it's perks, but honestly were ready to leave in search of a more tranquilo beach. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Before leaving, we ate some good food: fresh caught cotton fish topped with a green mango salad, the same fish topped with a tamarind sauce, fresh pineapple smoothies, mango-coconut sticky rice, rice with pork and a basil sauce, sweet coconut sticky rice with red beans roasted in a bamboo stalk, and my favorite, a brothy pork soup jam packed with a variety of seaweeds...yum! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Prachuap's weekend Walking Market was a fun experience too. Booths lined street upon street selling food, clothes, beautiful furniture, random household items, and our favorite - plants. There were booths completely full of flowering orchids for sale at incredibly low prices. It was beautiful and filled us with a sense of longing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">People were very friendly for the most part, loving to practice their English with us...waving and calling out "Hello!" Lots of smiles and laughter. Lots of white tourists and lots of Thai tourists here for the weekend. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Our favorite moments in Prachuap were spent at the Khao Chong Krajok temple, a nice steep walk up the town hill. There were about 400 stairs leading to the hilltop temple. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">But, the cool thing about the walk to the temple was the monkeys. They were everywhere, on the surrounding rocks, in the trees, on the stairs and railings. It was the coolest sight. So interesting to watch their mannerisms and interactions and how they are so similar to us humans, yet so different. Several mamas had their tiny babies clinging to their undersides as they walked, nursing as they sat. They were grooming each other, fighting over food, baring their teeth and hissing at us when we stared too long or got too close. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The temple itself was beautiful, perched above the town, the bay, the Thail Gulf with it's lush islands, and the surrounding coutryside of rice fields. Picturesque and tranquil, a perfect spot to build a temple to honor all that is sacred in life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Up here, looking out at the beautiful expanse around us, I sure felt grateful for this good life, for the patience I had in times when I have had to wait for all of my life's pieces to fall into place, and for the chance to be on this trip with Lucas. </span><br />
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<br />betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-48828966097015952992011-05-06T16:30:00.000-07:002011-05-06T17:26:59.141-07:00In Full Spring!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDKWrtm9Bzh95wAXhfOdxz5n5DmtBfC3NMZwPShYarhyphenhyphenNYwaP3DuBuoHst4DSl-bMh8eB0TXUTw0_ZCITiRPg05Rn7Ix0wC_7AgrFE-WSrt3Ip39gdvjoYXhVmaqXh-XLCmWbHwP84GwI/s1600/005.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDKWrtm9Bzh95wAXhfOdxz5n5DmtBfC3NMZwPShYarhyphenhyphenNYwaP3DuBuoHst4DSl-bMh8eB0TXUTw0_ZCITiRPg05Rn7Ix0wC_7AgrFE-WSrt3Ip39gdvjoYXhVmaqXh-XLCmWbHwP84GwI/s400/005.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603758486572289122" /></a><br />Today is a wonderous day. I am sitting under the blooming lilac and apple trees in our small side yard, enjoying the coolness of the shade on this warm day, as well as the scent of lilac all around me. It is the Saturday of my work week, a much needed weekend. <br /><br />Lucas and I awoke relatively early today and had our first meeting with our wedding caterer. We then hiked through the snow in our t-shirts up a steep mountain that edges the snow covered Castle Lake. I almost took a polar plunge as we tentatively crossed the lake - my foot fell through the snow into the icy water! <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTKpCifePeoqOlqlgRBxJfaj7xceRn0teTMh4J_fVosYsV65cJymuAKqYXRdBhibhwPmq0zhx8ER7WC0baV2uJ-wwKxXP-wDO4q_oTJTXFn7eXLmmC8XoUyIjTqNF9fb3xI84yK_iM9IA/s1600/017.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTKpCifePeoqOlqlgRBxJfaj7xceRn0teTMh4J_fVosYsV65cJymuAKqYXRdBhibhwPmq0zhx8ER7WC0baV2uJ-wwKxXP-wDO4q_oTJTXFn7eXLmmC8XoUyIjTqNF9fb3xI84yK_iM9IA/s400/017.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603758495116412530" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg80l9Je9BSYQHRhODYYddw-hJ7ihXw2bgxypQFYXY1A9dCB-B0t7V2djy900cRWBULXXVrpz-bhXY46kWTteCELqZLJBv7fLwjHWFruH2O_SX8WJ5Ia2qYBUZz-PAiwu2oKOcfJ61htA0/s1600/010.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg80l9Je9BSYQHRhODYYddw-hJ7ihXw2bgxypQFYXY1A9dCB-B0t7V2djy900cRWBULXXVrpz-bhXY46kWTteCELqZLJBv7fLwjHWFruH2O_SX8WJ5Ia2qYBUZz-PAiwu2oKOcfJ61htA0/s400/010.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603758493649472258" /></a><br />And now, I have color on my skin, my legs feel like jelly, and I am soooo happy that spring is here - it sure is amazing! The temperatures are quickly rising, the flowers are blooming all around, and the trees are starting to fill out with leaves. Finally, we can start to plant some hardy items in the garden and get some other starts going indoors. The weather is allowing us to explore the lay of the land more, in our style. And as the beauty of the area tip-toes to it's summer fullness, we begin to understand more deeply why we are here - this land inspires creativity, activity, meditation, and awe. It brings us closer to ourselves and deepens our connection to the sacred sides of life. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmILZ1lIHvDDDn5MwejH6nwlY2VNLYWePLyIT9oHFeJWr8SunXGAiDie1R2J0QAkBDVwOfwDTigzCX_jLLyeZz6JFLKxA-UAmD1t_rEkgPWDaEgRbZwwIOVF9u6IbksedN587SmHkl_jU/s1600/025.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmILZ1lIHvDDDn5MwejH6nwlY2VNLYWePLyIT9oHFeJWr8SunXGAiDie1R2J0QAkBDVwOfwDTigzCX_jLLyeZz6JFLKxA-UAmD1t_rEkgPWDaEgRbZwwIOVF9u6IbksedN587SmHkl_jU/s400/025.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603761376578796354" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5hMi3ZmNPEzi02ujA0hyphenhyphenCgEEVNRqhCrTQhd9Hd3ZSMqz8Q4-pLYiCs8h9Cdi7VknXfK2tnjjw3CZ2IMaKqf5y_zIn4d18Hpvewb1z6iaQohWr7dGWpfkWAouCuWaAOxzWu7DF6TY16f0/s1600/015.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5hMi3ZmNPEzi02ujA0hyphenhyphenCgEEVNRqhCrTQhd9Hd3ZSMqz8Q4-pLYiCs8h9Cdi7VknXfK2tnjjw3CZ2IMaKqf5y_zIn4d18Hpvewb1z6iaQohWr7dGWpfkWAouCuWaAOxzWu7DF6TY16f0/s400/015.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603761372250141250" /></a><br />This past week was the final class in the free Infant Massage Series that I taught. It was a wonderful class, and wonderful to see how the babies and parents in the class continually opened and relaxed during the course of the series. Even I found the class to be one of the most relaxing points during my week, just being in the same room as 5 little ones blissed from massage. I learned a lot from the process of teaching the series, and look forward to creating another series in the future.<br /> <br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-I1w-CvQhIOrKRL35nTt0PFXkeKmGNF6MOal2ITvyRVw2Z_j3JrUQ6H3ZF53yvCSqgv388FheQPp_Gc-U-34qSYuq1dqx3CiUBvUOn99PP-evqymXTtwwFm7yOTqVng8wKrliEzcrXKY/s1600/001.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-I1w-CvQhIOrKRL35nTt0PFXkeKmGNF6MOal2ITvyRVw2Z_j3JrUQ6H3ZF53yvCSqgv388FheQPp_Gc-U-34qSYuq1dqx3CiUBvUOn99PP-evqymXTtwwFm7yOTqVng8wKrliEzcrXKY/s400/001.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603761370073296690" /></a><br />My job at the <a href="http://www.crystalsmtshasta.com/">Crystal Room</a> is working out great. I am finally starting to feel comfortable with most of my tasks and feel that I am doing well at them. Although it can be stressful at times, the days go by fast and I am grateful to have work. AND, I am lucky enough to have this amazing spot, <a href="http://www.siskiyoulandtrust.org/sisson-meadow/">Sisson Meadow</a>, to eat lunch at every day, just a few blocks away from the Crystal Room:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcbDgKPFfLztcE7grONqr1Ff0p7PZ0ArFJ75sBYsmEpYRVtY-HD3sXCS6fc1w_AYGRU8RewjErF-ab4txb0FEu0s4rjIIpOvGU-wdYIYYXG8bcuIIz0gL1cxv27MlVx-MGkOQtVxxwWZM/s1600/007.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcbDgKPFfLztcE7grONqr1Ff0p7PZ0ArFJ75sBYsmEpYRVtY-HD3sXCS6fc1w_AYGRU8RewjErF-ab4txb0FEu0s4rjIIpOvGU-wdYIYYXG8bcuIIz0gL1cxv27MlVx-MGkOQtVxxwWZM/s400/007.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603759568670146978" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGdNfcwIztQ5c0T9PHTauTjbwuvCpo3GQnD4_aFKRoMJfFIs1lzbvnlC61qPhLmfWOJmP2VIBqlEk7JDfg-hU-gW5UXU7jvSeCJlIErrqyylRmYAgH4QDZXCDiUQLiCU8BPk3iXG7caN0/s1600/002.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGdNfcwIztQ5c0T9PHTauTjbwuvCpo3GQnD4_aFKRoMJfFIs1lzbvnlC61qPhLmfWOJmP2VIBqlEk7JDfg-hU-gW5UXU7jvSeCJlIErrqyylRmYAgH4QDZXCDiUQLiCU8BPk3iXG7caN0/s400/002.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603759564152568242" /></a><br />Between working at the Crystal Room and in the studio, planning our wedding, and taking care of daily chores, life has taken on a new level of fullness. I highly delight in my days off, and the little sprinklings of nature and music and friends that I am able to enjoy during them. <br /> <br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9t23L8mtnugvk61TX2F8VU_s4OwUhscUWexVhZAF4Jo8V_CQshoHUA0GJ4D1Bi62vp2qNo2XLvv4UaP2fkf-k-lFsUqgnK5-YX_Kw4FThhBYM14YDLxZ2B9UTbbz503o-q34YnaQAhQ4/s1600/023.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9t23L8mtnugvk61TX2F8VU_s4OwUhscUWexVhZAF4Jo8V_CQshoHUA0GJ4D1Bi62vp2qNo2XLvv4UaP2fkf-k-lFsUqgnK5-YX_Kw4FThhBYM14YDLxZ2B9UTbbz503o-q34YnaQAhQ4/s400/023.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603761381306600242" /></a>betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-27079870703644967812011-04-18T19:33:00.000-07:002011-04-18T19:49:22.206-07:00The End, or Just the Beginning: Day 40!!!! of 40 DaysThe time has come to conclude this lil' daily project of mine. I sure hope that you have enjoyed it as much as I have. And despite my ramblings of looking forward to the 40 days being over, I have enjoyed the project greatly as well. <br /><br />Thank you thank you thank you for reading all that I have been writing! Really, thank you. It has been a pleasure to share more of my life with you, more of my inner thoughts and experiences. It means a lot to me to have the support of family and friends in this sharing. So, again, I thank you for visiting my "home," for warming me up inside. <br /><br />My intentions with the days and months to come regarding this blog are simple. I am going to keep writing. Most likely I will be writing on more of a weekly basis than a daily basis. But I will keep writing. I will keep my door open, keep my self open to you. <br /><br />And for tonight....I am blogging earlier than normal while Lucas cooks a delicious smelling African vegetable nut soup, sipping on a Pipeline Porter (out of Kona Brewing - yum!), enjoying the lingering evening light outside and the scent of spring on the air, celebrating my first payday today and the gratification of doing well at my new job, and preparing to spend the rest of my evening with my love! Life is damn good!betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-29576476577796095002011-04-17T20:36:00.000-07:002011-04-17T21:40:37.705-07:00New Balance: Day 39 of 40 DaysIt feels like balance is finally returning to my life, somewhat anyway. A newer version of balance. It feels good to be busy again, living a full life, and to be finding all the little spaces to fill with good things. Balance is the key, balance is always the key. <br /><br />I approach my job, which is not the type of job I would typically try to get, with a sense of curiosity and interest. What I am learning to do is quite complicated, with a steep learning curve. But I am learning it, and my brain feels good under the new stimulation. I can even say that, surprisingly, I am enjoying the work thus far, because of the challenge and because it is using my brain in a way it hasn't been used in a long time. Thus, it feels like a healthy activity.<br /><br />When I leave work, I let it go. Literally. When I walk out the front door at the end of the day, I make a conscious effort to exhale deeply and and with my breath I leave the events of the day at work. I intentionally try to not bring home any stress or lingering tasks. Home is for other things, for other parts of my self. <br /><br />With limited free time, I have to fit in my other interests and necessary responsibilities here and there, where ever they may possibly be sneaked in. This is where the balance comes in. I cannot expect myself to clean the whole house in one day. I do a little one day, a little another. If I try to do ceramics every single day, other parts of my self get neglected. I have to moderate myself. Just like I need to moderate how many cookies I eat or how often I drink wine, I need to moderate how much time I spend watching movies, reading novels, doing artwork, cooking and cleaning. To make time for it all, I need to live my life in bits and pieces. <br /><br />Lucky I am to have a partner in crime, a partner in living. We help each other out. We have started to take turns cooking dinner. This has been awesome. Every other night, while Lucas cooks, I stretch or go for a walk or take care of things that need to be taken care of, and then am fed a warm delicious meal. The alternate nights, I enjoy cooking a healthy meal for us both to delight in, while Lucas does what he needs or wants to do. We support each other in maintaining balance, help and encourage each other to have time to do all the things we love. This is good good stuff. <br /><br />As I said a few days ago, one of the things I have learned during these past 39 days is that blogging every day is not in balance for me. Blogging this often is not moderation for me. I have done it every day as I committed to, and I am glad that I have. I have learned from the process. I have learned that it is too much, and if I hadn't done it, I wouldn't have learned that. AND, as always, I have no regrets about it either. It was a worthwhile experience, it helped me learn and grow, and I am happy for that. It is part of the continual process of learning how to establish balance. <br /><br />And now it is about time to readjust and realign and reestablish a new sense of balance.betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-72432739784536365462011-04-16T20:16:00.000-07:002011-04-16T21:08:02.301-07:00Kraut Time: Day 38 of 40 DaysTonight I started a new batch of <a href="http://www.sauerkraut.com/ebook.pdf">Sauerkraut</a> and thought that maybe you would like to join me in the adventure of fermenting vegetables. Not only are fermented vegetables super tasty and easy to make, they are also packed full of enough amazing health benefits to be considered one of the Superfoods. <br /><br />The process of making sauerkraut was developed as a means to help preserve vegetables during the winter months in both China and Germany. Immigrants and military found it a helpful way to carry vegetables along during their endless journies, and discovered that they stayed healthier because of it. Rich in vitamin C, Calcium, other vitamins and minerals, and fiber, Sauerkraut is a cancer fighter useful in treating and preventing many forms of cancer. It boosts the immune system, decreasing rates of colds and flus, skin problems, and weight gain. Because it is packed full of benefical bacteria such as lactobacilli, sauerkraut is a powerful digestive aid, and can even help cure an upset tummy, candida, and other chronic digestive issues. <br /><br />In our home, we like to have a couple of bites before we start dinner, when we feel like we've eaten too much, or when we feel like we are coming down with a cold. Sauerkraut is a great addition to sandwiches, tacos, salads, and more.<br /><br />The process is quite easy. While cabbage is the traditional veggie to make sauerkraut with, any vegetable can be used, as well as spices, herbs, and seaweeds. The ingredients may be chopped finely or coarsely. The finer they are chopped, the faster the fermentation process will be complete enough to eat the kraut. It is also traditional to use salt to aid in the process. Salt will draw water out of the veggies, providing an appropriate bath for them to ferment in. Salt will also help prevent bad bacteria from entering the process, acting as a preservative. Some people choose to not use salt, and some use quite a bit. The more salt you use, the longer will be your fermentation process. If you need to watch your salt intake, you may choose to not use salt, or very little, in your kraut mixture. Be assured that there are other ways to prevent the rare bad bacteria, ie mold. <br /><br />This is what I made my kraut with tonight:<br /><br />1 green cabbage, finely sliced<br />1 carrot, shredded<br />3 Tbls shredded red beet<br />1 tsp caraway seeds<br />2 tsp coriander seeds, crushed<br />1/2 tsp cumin seeds<br />1 Tbls + 1 tsp salt (you really don't need more than this, though you might play with using less. A general rule of thumb is to use 3 Tbls per 5 pounds of veggies.)<br /><br />* Mix all ingredients in a bowl. Use your fist to punch the mixture. This helps break down the fibers enough so that the vegetables will start to release it's water and the salt and bacteria can start it's action.<br /><br />* Put a couple of handfulls of the mixture into a glass container. I use a tall crystal vase. Use a wooden spoon to beat/tamp down the mixture into the bottom of the container, compacting it. Add a couple more handfuls. Tamp down. Repeat till all of the mixture is in the vase. <br /><br />* Next, you will need to put something heavy on top of your mixture to keep it weighed down. My grandmother apparently put her kraut in a crockpot and weighed it down with a brick. In my vase, I nest another smaller glass vase filled with water on top of my kraut. <br /><br />* Cover with a towel or cheesecloth. <br /><br />* In the morning, check out what is happening in your container. You should see that a lot of water has been drawn out of the vegetables, depending on what veggies you used. If your veggies are not submerged in water, add enough water so that the veggies are submerged an inch below the surface of the water. No veggies should be sticking out of the water, in order to prevent mold growth. Recover with your cloth, which will help keep fruit flies out. <br /><br />* Now the magic starts to happen. Somehow, bacteria from the air seeps into the water and then into the veggies and starts the fermentation process. In three days, give the kraut a taste. If you see a film on the surface of the water, skim it off before dipping in to scoop out some kraut. If the kraut still tastes quite salty, it isn't done. <br /><br />* Check the kraut every 2-3 days to see what it's progress is. You will know it is done when it isn't super salty, when it tastes good, and when it has that familiar fermented flavor. I usually find that my kraut is to my liking about a week to 10 days after I started it. It is fine to let it go longer than this, it will just develop a stronger flavor, and odor. With a little experimentation, you will find what length of fermentation is to your liking. <br /><br />* When it tastes done, place the kraut in a glass jar, and store in the fridge. <br /><br />* Enjoy!!betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-61850904886073428662011-04-15T20:11:00.000-07:002011-04-15T20:45:39.190-07:00Small Town: Day 37 of 40 DaysRiding the bus is always an interesting experience, different depending on where you are, but always interesting. Today, Lucas took the car down to Redding to run some errands, and I took the bus up to Mt. Shasta to spend the day in the studio. <br /><br />We are lucky that there is a bus in these parts. It runs from our little town of Dunsmuir all the way up to Yreka, the county seat, connecting all of the little towns along the way. The bus runs from around 7 in the morning until 6 at night, roughly every hour, from Monday through Friday. My experiences riding this bus are more similar to those of the country buses in Mexico around Tepoztlan than any bus I have ridden in the States, yet far different too. <br /><br />The closest bus stop to our house is a 15 minute walk away. There is only 1 scheduled pick-up at this stop: 7 in the morning. If you want to be picked up at a later time, you can call the county transportation office and request a pick-up an hour in advance. When I pick the bus up again to return home from Mt. Shasta, I can stand anywhere along the route and flag down the bus to get aboard, much like in Mexico. <br /><br />The bus is notoriously late, though sometimes early. Because the bus only runs through town every hour, it become necessary to get out to the bus stop early, even though it will most likely be late. The driving time door to door from my house to the studio in Mt. Shasta is about 15 minutes. This morning, by bus, it took me an hour to get to the studio and 50 minutes to get home. <br /><br />While I am standing there for 20 minutes waiting for the bus to arrive, I question how much my scarce free-time is worth in money. Is it really worth it to spend this amount of time during my free day to take the bus to Mt. Shasta?? There ARE pluses and minuses to it, of course. Like today, with Lucas taking the car south to Redding, if I am going to make it to Mt. Shasta this is my only choice. It is better for the environment to take the bus. It is much more interesting to take the bus. And, with gas prices what they are, it is actually cheaper to take the bus than to drive! <br /><br />Gas prices in these parts are shooting up steadily. Right now, we pay $4.37 at the pump. I heard a program on NPR today regarding national gas prices. The lowest in the country right now are apparently $3.50 or so. They quoted the highest current rates as being $4.27 in Santa Barbara and the Bay area. Well, it looks like Mt. Shasta has the rest of the nation beat! Not something to be excited about. But, definitly motivation to take the bus more often. <br /><br />I can't say that I feel completely comfortable on the bus here. I feel similar to how I did when riding in Mexico. Conspicuous. I feel like I stand out. And so, I know it is a healthy kind of uncomfortable, the kind that pushes me beyond my comfort zone, that challenges me to widen my scope of compassion, and that helps me to be more accepting of others. <br /><br />I shared the bus this afternoon with a man who was talking to himself behind me, a couple of teens across the aisle who were talking about huffing, and the town drunk at the back of the bus who forgot his bag when he stumbled off, among other riders. The driver was friendly with everyone, talking to and joking with them all on a first name basis. There was a general sense of ease. Everyone knew each other, chatting amongst themselves, sharing town gossip. It wasn't the quiet and solitary bus ride of the city, nor the bumpy ride filled with loud Mexican music, that I have been previously used to. <br /><br />This is small town living. You tell the bus driver when you get on the bus where you need to be let out, you say "hey" to your neighbor and introduce yourself, you understand that despite our differences we all share similar struggles, and you learn the value of public transportation.betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-1536109028201554072011-04-14T21:24:00.000-07:002011-04-14T21:57:49.902-07:00Clay Groove: Day 36 of 40 DaysAnother blogging request I have had this week is to write about art. So, it seems right and fitting to give a little update on my progress in the ceramics studio and future plans that I have. <br /><br />It has actually been several days since I was last in the studio. What with the parents visiting and the new job, spare time has been limited. Therefore, I am soooo excited to have two days off in a row, tomorrow and Saturday, during which I can totally devote my days to the studio. I miss it dearly!<br /><br />I have felt an incredible sense of fulfillment generated from working with clay again after such a long hiatus. I love what I am making. I love the momentum I have already established, the creative doors that are opening up in my mind as I make more and more, and the very real possibilities of selling my art that are beginning to become available. <br /><br />Lucas and I have decided to try to sell our artwork this summer at a couple of festivals. I would be selling my ceramics, and he his didjeridoos. We named our co-buisness "Stalks and Stones," already have a <a href="http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/pages/Stalks-and-Stones/131896866884183">facebook page </a>started, and are hoping to soon launch an Etsy site as well. So far, we have only applied to vend at one festival this summer, and recently found out that we got accepted! <br /><br /><a href="http://www.harmonyfestival.com/">Harmony Festival</a>, in Santa Rosa, CA, looks like it is going to be fun and fabulous to vend at. The festival apparently draws in around 35,000 people throughout the 3 day event, and our booth will be on one of the main pathways towards the main stage area. Check out the <a href="http://www.harmonyfestival.com/lineup-schedule-2011.html">line-up</a>! I am super excited! <br /><br />Being that this festival is less than 2 months away AND that I don't yet have a large inventory, I need to get crankin' in the studio! My hope is that I will be able to spend my days off in the studio, apart from little jaunts into the sunshine and forest, as well as mornings before my 11a.m. punch-in time at work. <br /><br />Time to learn to manage my time. Time to start getting out of bed earlier. Time to get my clay groove back on!betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-8206045916058690662011-04-13T21:56:00.000-07:002011-04-13T22:36:59.641-07:00Celebrate Love: Day 35 of 40 DaysIt was suggested that I write a little bit about my upcoming wedding in August at <a href="http://www.stewartmineralsprings.com/">Stewart Mineral Springs</a>. Without giving away too many of the planned details, here we go..... <br /><br />SMS is located outside of Weed, California, and is about 30 minutes north of where we live. The property covers 40 acres, with a river running through it in addition to the hot mineral springs. This area has been considered sacred by Native Americans for generations, and many continue to visit to soak in the healing mineral waters. It is a beautiful spot, and a perfect place for us to have our ceremony.<br /><br />Because there are several cabins and other indoor accomodations, in addition to unlimited camping, we are planning to have as many of our wedding guests as possible stay at the springs for the whole wedding weekend with us. We realize that everyone invited is going to have to travel to attend our wedding, and so we want to be able to spend as much time with all of them as possible. Not just for a few hours during and after the ceremony, but all weekend. The whole weekend should be filled with opportunities for us to connect with our guests. It will be a weekend of reunions and of sweet quality time in addition to a wedding! <br /><br />The planning is going well so far. We have a lot of the big tasks already taken care of. Guest list. Venue. Dress (currently being made :). Celebrant. Photographer. Save the Date cards. Invitations (just starting to be made :). And we are working on making the next big decisions: Music and food. There are sooooo many things to think about! And so many opportunities have already presented themselves for me to practice letting go and relaxing. As much as I want the weekend to be perfect and fun for all, I also want to set myself up to be happy no matter what happens and to be relaxed in the moment. It has been awesome to have so many people helping already, and to have so many others offering their help.<br /><br />I am so looking forward to sharing this weekend with my dear friends and family. I am excited to declare my commitment to love in front of these witnesses, to feel their collective support, and to celebrate love all weekend! <br /><br />It is an amazingly powerful thing, really: To be preparing to stand in front of a large amount of people and declare my love for Lucas, to be preparing a party to honor the people who have loved and supported us throughout our lives, and to hope that our celebration and ceremony will inspire all attending to celebrate the love in their own lives as well.betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-89126163587072257862011-04-12T22:00:00.000-07:002011-04-12T22:52:35.475-07:00Letting Go: Day 34 of 40 DaysThank you to those of you who have written to me with ideas of things to write about in the coming days. It is helpful to have the prompts as inspirations and lovely to have your support and interest. Please keep the ideas flowing, folks! They are really appreciated. And I will try to get to them all! Thank you! <br /><br />The first question I received today by email may be the hardest to answer. But it is a good question and one worth really thinking about. A friend asked me how I go about letting go of the things that no longer serve me, how I let go of the things that don't shake free very easily, things that I may not WANT to let go of but know are in my best interest to. <br /><br />I try to be in constant awareness of my habits and behaviors, my thought processes, my moods, and my attitudes, as well as how they affect me and the others that I am interacting with. Being in a committed relationship, in which I am with the same person every day, helps me see these things more clearly. This becomes possible when I am able to be fully present in the moment. I see the aspects of my self that make living more difficult and those that help make living more enjoyable and easy, for everyone. Every day, I try to choose the enjoyable and easy over the difficult and negative. It is really a daily process, a continual process of assessing, of catching myself earlier and earlier in my habitual patterns of behavior. Of willing myself to stop that pattern even if it is in mid-stream. <br /><br />But, foremost, we have to WANT to change in order to be able to change. We have to see the benefits of doing so. We have to be willing to no longer live with habits that do not serve our highest good and the highest good of those who are in our lives. Without that personal motivation, it is hard to grow. <br /><br />For myself, this continual daily process of letting go is greatly helped by the daily meditation that I do. (Though I will admit right here and now that it has been several days since I have done this meditation!! And I can tell the difference in my well-being as a result!) In the <a href="http://bee-aliveinthemystery.blogspot.com/2011/03/ripple-day-2-of-40-days.html">Burning Inner Anger</a> meditation, I fully inhale for a count of 2 seconds and fully exhale for a count of 2 seconds, continuing for 11 minutes. At this pace, it feels like a fast pumping of the diaphragm. <br /><br />As I am breathing in this manner, I scan through my day and pick out the moments where I felt flashes of anger, fear, resentment, selfishness, impatience, stress, overwhelm, saddness, etc. The moments may be on a personal level or on a more global level. With the force of each exhale, I try to send the negative feelings and their sources out of my being with the breath. Because I believe that our bodies hold our emotional and psychological tensions and anxieties, I imagine as I am exhaling that I am wringing the accumulated negativity from every cell in my body. I release these things individually with each breath, over and over, sometimes day after day, until I start to think of them less and less and they eventually go away.<br /><br />As the days go on, I find that I am able to do this process more and more in the moment, not just during my meditaion. I find myself in a situation where I feel stress or anger, and I notice it. I make the choice in that moment to let that feeling go, taking a deep breath and exhaling it completely from my system. Then I am more likely to be able to start from a fresh calm place. <br /><br />I don't think there is a sure way to let go of the things that no longer serve us. It is a process. The process is continual. The process is individualized. Negative habits are hard to break. They need to be replaced with positive habits. When I inhale in my meditation, I imagine that emptied space I created with my exhale as being filled with good things...patience, understanding, love, light, compassion, generosity, trust. The more we focus on feeling these positive things and less on the negative, the stronger are the positive neural pathways that we build and the more likely we are to automatically have those thoughts without effort (rather than the negative or undesireable.) <br /><br />Being continually aware of these habits is a powerful way to let go of them. When we are aware, we start to notice that we are engaging in this habit earlier and earlier. And then we can start to stop the habit earlier and earlier in it's sequence. It is a process. We need to be patient with ourselves and forgiving as we stumble over ourselves in our learning. <br /><br />I know that I have a lot of growing left to do, a lot of learning as to how to serve my highest self in the most positive way. So, here is to our processes of letting go and letting in the light and the love that surrounds us to help us in our growing.betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-75630696960250906902011-04-11T23:14:00.000-07:002011-04-11T23:44:51.742-07:00Nudge Me: Day 33 of 40 DaysIt is late again as I sit down to write. I am tired. I don't know what to write about. And honestly, I am not really wanting to sit in front of the computer any longer today. It has been a long day of facing one screen or another. <br /><br />And anyway, in this newly busy life of mine, it has become harder to find inspiration of what to write about. My mind wants to rest. Including today, I have 8 days left of blogging. How will I fill these 8 days with words? <br /><br />So many of you have mentioned to me that you have found my posts to be inspiring. It feels ironic now at the end of the 40 days to feel un-inspired myself. <br /><br />I have to ask you, will you give me some inspirations, please? Please send me either a private message or leave me a comment with some ideas of things to write about in the next several days. I would love the inspiration I have given you to be reflected back at me! <br /><br />Life is good, and I am happy. I am just needing little nudges from my people right now with this blogging practice! <br /><br />Thank you thank you thank you!betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-27781445633028800272011-04-10T23:00:00.000-07:002011-04-10T23:30:59.526-07:00Snow Falls: Day 32 of 40 DaysSince it has been awhile since images have accompanied my words, today I will share a few pictures from some of the adventures we have had during our parent's visits. <br /><br />These first pictures are from Hedgecreek Falls. These falls are located in Dunsmuir, just a few miles from our house, and just a couple minute's walk from Interstate 5. They are beautiful and impressive in their fast tumbling over a rocky cliff as the water makes it's way to join with the Sacramento River far below. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgATzxXiJfEeEfKBe-DeLTAfSECMCM1XlKT0EOYO2SMsbuCmbCDBfu3VP0h90loarDnyOwdMt_1GCVj6YDB4opB3HHO1SQGjj8DbVzgWnPV_nvpaULNNJazw_BM4EHPnjjK2vF-nNyCqaA/s1600/012.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgATzxXiJfEeEfKBe-DeLTAfSECMCM1XlKT0EOYO2SMsbuCmbCDBfu3VP0h90loarDnyOwdMt_1GCVj6YDB4opB3HHO1SQGjj8DbVzgWnPV_nvpaULNNJazw_BM4EHPnjjK2vF-nNyCqaA/s400/012.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594205296856373970" /></a><br />The coolest part about these falls is being able to walk behind them, being able to feel the cool spray on your face and the thundering force vibrate through your whole body. Here is Lucas' mom, Vicky, as she makes her way around the backside of the falls:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV_osLmzFwSwZCJDFm0zBhH5xauj_4Kj0cSEnMdU7z4psz9dDKrLkvG4Sfjx4h6fbYs6QeUhoVuvZBK4GvGJvzLtQrLa3i8-AYvOQSHxHcFRis9xrwXiXHl93hwou-JujFjUmE3TYhueM/s1600/013.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV_osLmzFwSwZCJDFm0zBhH5xauj_4Kj0cSEnMdU7z4psz9dDKrLkvG4Sfjx4h6fbYs6QeUhoVuvZBK4GvGJvzLtQrLa3i8-AYvOQSHxHcFRis9xrwXiXHl93hwou-JujFjUmE3TYhueM/s400/013.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594205298460809858" /></a><br />Today, we took my parents up Mt. Shasta where we did a little snowshoeing and walking around. The parking area at Bunny Flat (elevation 6900 feet) is lined with snowbanks that tower over the cars. We estimated that the snow level here is somewhere between 10-15 feet above the road level. This picture shows the bathroom at Bunny Flat nearly buried by snow: <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzFKUUtr9lLsh061-EMSkMNqjgIXWNRZB9BpiraBXDoGQg-IALwiPBubA-FoEOqJqDvNqZiZiioI5aow3XFGuWyOChJCugX2Xty9h-N9d3_K6s1m8hOaVnndoea4b0m4utqjcG8krn62Q/s1600/020.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzFKUUtr9lLsh061-EMSkMNqjgIXWNRZB9BpiraBXDoGQg-IALwiPBubA-FoEOqJqDvNqZiZiioI5aow3XFGuWyOChJCugX2Xty9h-N9d3_K6s1m8hOaVnndoea4b0m4utqjcG8krn62Q/s400/020.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594205301223500690" /></a><br />Because the snow has melted and condensed a bit since the last storm, we sank little into the snow as we followed a wide arching trail through the trees. The view was amazing of the surrounding Cascades. The sun peeked through the clouds just enough for us to feel it's warmth on our faces. The quiet stillness of the mountain calmed us and gave us a wonderful afternoon together.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbxlbMXEn4eHRPCrU6CETGX0cWDF1jc_IQcXHGdSCfIF2tP6UtNlPtMcObmOP0E-l7ddbGLW4jCP8pU0fZYXrPXH1lSNYBo-RTjTFSgqFCwiqA6SYuREmEiyTYcEZyxT6RnvVvcid352U/s1600/021.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbxlbMXEn4eHRPCrU6CETGX0cWDF1jc_IQcXHGdSCfIF2tP6UtNlPtMcObmOP0E-l7ddbGLW4jCP8pU0fZYXrPXH1lSNYBo-RTjTFSgqFCwiqA6SYuREmEiyTYcEZyxT6RnvVvcid352U/s400/021.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594205305789858578" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhr06B5dIHiOXdwhgPUpNVoSpZ8tuTEgt8iGDwCfbhfgxRB6YsEWq1mKAdstSJOV7aZrkpBJ6OJ23WqCoaMVobihaSXOQYe5vyi4HoQSjiLgPKZfvSdiYE_DI5R21rTzSu4de1nfN_AlQ/s1600/022.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhr06B5dIHiOXdwhgPUpNVoSpZ8tuTEgt8iGDwCfbhfgxRB6YsEWq1mKAdstSJOV7aZrkpBJ6OJ23WqCoaMVobihaSXOQYe5vyi4HoQSjiLgPKZfvSdiYE_DI5R21rTzSu4de1nfN_AlQ/s400/022.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594205309889656242" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgso0P6ica7gQMt-JJoVFdXLj9-SIxyX0sU6IN56McRRMJ5SB8i3aoXTctpV3Fpovcz8r4clthqs2T5i_NLaOPMCW9YL61fO0RAcfk1l81SrHe00-1YP2xRaszNn4EhS5Baj37RrS19YiQ/s1600/024.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgso0P6ica7gQMt-JJoVFdXLj9-SIxyX0sU6IN56McRRMJ5SB8i3aoXTctpV3Fpovcz8r4clthqs2T5i_NLaOPMCW9YL61fO0RAcfk1l81SrHe00-1YP2xRaszNn4EhS5Baj37RrS19YiQ/s400/024.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594205907050593474" /></a><br />These have been good times, indeed. It feels good to have our families know where we are living, to experience it first-hand, and to see that we fit in well with this place. It feels good to spend such nice time with them, to share this beautiful place, and to plan our next visits with each other. <br /><br />Again, I am feeling lucky and grateful for the wonderful people and experiences that fill my life!betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-82832808833047038022011-04-09T22:39:00.000-07:002011-04-09T23:11:47.136-07:00Life's Fabric: Day 31 of 40 DaysSo far today I have sat in front of the computer for at least 7 hours, mostly due to work!! If this is a pattern, I can see blogging taking a lesser role in life after these 40 days are over. And they almost are. <br /><br />We are in the home-stretch now, nearing completion of this big commitment. And so, I am starting to think about what I have gotten out of it, and where I will go with it next. I know I will continue to blog, and more frequently than I was before these 40 days. But, I am anticipating that because my free time is becoming more scarce and thus more valuable, finding balance with what I do with that time will also become key. <br /><br />Balance. I am always seeking balance in order to maintain my happiness, health, and sanity! It seems neccessary to constantly re-evaluate my activities and how much time I devote to all of them as everything else in life constantly shifts. The more external obligations I have, the less time there is for myself. And so, I will need to give a little devotion to this, a little devotion to that, here and there, in order to keep the balance, to nurture all parts of my self. The physical, the emotional, the spiritual, the mental, the creative, the social. <br /><br />I know there will be a large part of me that will miss writing here as much as I have been. I HAVE gotten a lot out of it. I enjoy it, even on these late tired nights. But, ultimately I know that it will need to shift to allow more of the things that I enjoy to be maintained in the fabric of my life.betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-78375628967996696582011-04-08T23:21:00.000-07:002011-04-08T23:33:25.186-07:00Forward Looking: Day 30 of 40 DaysTonight, I give you the answer to another question posed to us bloggers on the <a href="http://www.nablopomo.com/">NaBloPoMo</a> website:<br /><br /><strong>What is one thing you are looking forward to this weekend?</strong><br /><br />It is hard to narrow that down to one answer, honestly. There are many many things I am looking forward to this weekend.<br /><br />First I am looking forward to a full day off of work. I have had to work every day since my parents have been visiting, and so it will be simply lovely to be able to spend a full day with them before they leave. <br /><br />Along with that answer comes the next. On my day off, my family and I are planning to spend at least part of the day on the mountain. I am not sure what we will do, really. But, just being on the mountain in whatever capacity is worth it. It feels like I haven't been up there in so long, I am starting to go through withdrawal from it's supreme goodness!<br /><br />I am also looking forward to the warm sunshine that this weekend reportably may bring. Can you believe that it snowed AGAIN in Mt. Shasta last night and today? It didn't stick to the ground, but the wind was whirling and the snow was indeed falling. I am soooo ready for spring.<br /><br />My last thought again brings me back to another thing to look forward to with my upcoming day off. Because I am finding myself exhausted as I write my blog post at 11:30pm again, after so many days in a row of doing so, I am looking forward to having a day off so that I can write earlier. And also, to have time in the day to think about what I am going to write about!betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-17753727836335785672011-04-07T22:47:00.000-07:002011-04-07T23:13:18.872-07:00Wonder Full: Day 29 of 40 DaysToday was my first full day of work at my new job. My little office nook is almost totally set up and organized. It is hard to believe that I have my very own desk and computer and cabinets at a job! While I will be doing a little bit of the sales floor work at the crystal store, most of my responsibilities involve processing the purchase orders for the crystal singing bowls, i.e. computer and filing work. <br /><br />One highlight of the work day was getting paid to sit in on a crystal singing bowl demo that my boss gave to my family for an hour. Yep, apparently part of my job includes being able to hear and feel those beautiful tones from the crystal bowls mingling with each other! They are relaxing, centering, energizing, inspiring, and empowering. <br /><br />The second perk of the day was having Thai food during my lunch break, also with my family, around the corner from my job. De-lish. And then, while I sat upstairs in my office getting trained, I could hear my family down in the store, literally for hours, as they examined all of the beautiful stones on display. The job ahead of me is going to be complicated to learn, and confusing to figure out. But, I am excited for the challenge. <br /><br />The day passed quickly. And the week with Lucas' mom, Vicky, passed amazingly fast. Tonight was her last night with us in Dunsmuir. It was wonderful to have her visit for so long, to have her and my parents finally meet, and to share the beauty of this place with her. It was a fun time, and funny to hear the Texan twang creep back into my voice under the influence and presence of her accent!<br /><br />Really, it has been a fun last few days despite the busy new schedule. I feel so lucky to have spent a life with a wonderful family, to have a wonderful life ahead of me with Lucas, and in turn to be inheriting wonderful inlaws! Life is wonder-filled and wonder-full!betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-67106459942195383232011-04-06T22:39:00.000-07:002011-04-06T23:54:27.012-07:00Babies n Sushi: Day 28 of 40 DaysExhaustion is setting in. I woke up too early today, 2.5 hours before my alarm. The early part of the day was sprinkled with random inconveniences like this. Yet the day ended well, with random delights also sprinkled in. <br /><br />This morning I lost a contact lens while in the Chamber of Commerce and found them to be closed when I realized my mishap. Later, after driving home to get a fresh contact, I went back to the C of C. I quickly and easily found my contact, squashed in half and dried up on the entrance carpet. Thank goodness! Now, it is rehydrated and waiting to be used again.<br /><br />During the day, I crammed in moments of studying for the infant massage class that I taught this evening. I was a bit stressed and overwhelmed throughout the day, anticipating the class. But, the anticipation turned out to be the worst part of it. In reality, teaching the class was wonderful and smooth. 4 families turned up, and an additional 2 are exected to join us for the remaining 4 weeks. The babies are so sweet and precious. Their smiles, coos, and enjoyment of the massage totally brightened my day. I loved the process of sharing this wonderful information with the families, seeing the babies respond so positively, and see the hope spread on the faces of parents who have been feeling stressed about their baby's fussiness. It was wonderful. <br /><br />Afterwards, the long day was rewarded by dinner with the family at the local organic sushi place, Vivify. Wow. It was truly amazing. Delicious and fresh and original. And so wonderful to share a lovely meal with loved ones, all enjoying the food together. <br /><br />Now, my bed awaits me. And tomorrow we begin again.betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-53533531360669283842011-04-05T12:58:00.000-07:002011-04-05T13:31:18.054-07:00Loving Life: Day 27 of 40 DaysThis past year has been relatively relaxed for me. Not being employed and having few obligations will do that for ya. It has been quite a nice treat for me to have this long of a break! <br /><br />This week, things start to shift. I start my job today, hopefully. My Infant Massage Course starts tomorrow. Lucas' mom has ben visiting for the past 5 days. And my parents arrive tonight for a week long visit. All of a sudden, everything is happening. <br /><br />Although I will miss this phase of early retirement, all of these new things are wonderful and exactly what I want in my life. It will all provide me with a good practice to maintain balance and health from being busy again. I will have to relearn how to fit in moments of yoga, art making, meditation, healthy cooking, relaxation, exercise, time in nature, and time with special people, all amidst my busy work schedule. I am happy and glad for this. <br /><br />This might mean that in the coming days, especially while my parents are in town, that my blog posts will be shorter. This is good practice for me too. I know that when I write I tend to be wordy. My posts always seem to be longer than I intend them to be. They become a lengthy read for you all. <br /><br />So, while I will continue to blog daily, my goal will be to make the entries short and sweet, more to the point. <br /><br />***<br /><br />Right now, I am outside enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin as I write. The breeze is blowing. Lucas is outside with me, working on one of his didj's. His mom is on a bike ride. I am waiting for a call from my new boss as to when to come in today to get started. Today at work, I will be setting up my office space, with the help of Lucas. Yes, he is even getting some temporary work out of this new job of mine! And then my parents arrive around dinner-time tonight.<br /><br />Life is good. All of this waiting-time during the past year, during the past several years really, for all of my life's pieces to start to fall into place, is over. Now it is all happening. The life I have been waiting for, NOW I am living it. <br /><br />I am grateful that there are still more pieces to come, still more things to look forward to in the coming years. It is just a wonderful feeling to have this momentum, this movement forward, this experience of living the life I love.betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-57799970187003400472011-04-04T20:39:00.000-07:002011-04-04T21:14:11.308-07:00Curried Soup: Day 26 of 40 DaysToday, I will share with you another of my recipes. It has been a hit with many folks. Relatively easy to make and full-fledged vegan, it is full of different flavors, hearty, and filling. <br /><br />Eat it with bread or rice, a salad on the side, and you will be happily rubbing your tummy at the end of the meal.<br /><br /><strong>My Curried Sweet Potato Soup:</strong> <br />3 small sweet potatoes, chopped<br />2 cups water<br />1 can coconut milk<br />1 Tbls coconut or olive oil<br />1 yellow onion, chopped<br />2 cloves garlic, minced<br />6-8 large shitake mushrooms, sliced<br />salt and pepper to taste<br />1 Tbls+ curry powder<br />1/8 tsp+ cayenne pepper<br />2 tsp coriander seeds, ground<br />1 tsp thyme<br /><br />* Place sweet potatoes in a soup pot with water. Bring water to a boil, lower heat to simmer and cook until sweet potato is very soft. <br /><br />* Meanwhile,in a small frying pan, heat the oil. Add onions and garlic. Cook until onions are transparent and soft. Add the mushrooms and cook for 3-5 minutes, until soft.<br /><br />* When sweet potatoes are soft, add the coconut milk and blend, either in a blender or with an immersion blender. <br /><br />* Add mushrooms and onions to blended sweet potatoes. Stir in seasonings. Add water to desired consistency.<br /><br />* Reheat. Serve with rice or bread and salad.<br /><br />* Enjoy!!<br /><br /><br />Thank you for reading again. And thank you for trying my recipes! Trust me, this is a good one. You won't be disapointed!betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-9311692771884708922011-04-03T22:09:00.000-07:002011-04-03T22:57:08.962-07:00Fresh Start: Day 25 of 40 DaysI haven't yet signed up with the online blogging community <a href="http://www.nablopomo.com/">NaBloPoMo</a> (National Blog Posting Month), but maybe I will. The website offers monthly themes and daily prompts for postings, as well as a little extra traffic and certain challenges that result in cool prizes. I am at a loss for what to write about today, so I will use NaBloPoMo's prompt of the day: <br /><br /><strong>How do you usually feel at the beginning of a journey?</strong><br /><br />I am a last minute packer. But, I also really like to try to leave for my journeys at the time I originally planned to. I was bred to be punctual. Being a last minute packer and being punctual do not always work so well together. And so, as I am preparing for a journey, I am usually quite stressed and overwhelmed and frantic. <br /><br />The hour or so before I leave is spent packing, tidying house so it is in a good state when I return, tying up loose ends, double checking that I have what I need, and being loaded into the car at just the right minute to be able to leave on time. Then, and only then, can I relax and enjoy. It is once the journey has begun, after all of my ducks are lined up in a row, that I am fully excited about the journey. I can then focus my attention and energy on what I am about to be doing. I can daydream and plan my adventure. I can anticipate what I am about to experience. The prepatory doing is over, and I can be fully present with the journey itself. <br /><br />The stress is gone. The sense of being overwhelmed is gone. The frantic preparations are gone. As the journey begins, I leave all of those anxieties at my own front door. Starting fresh. Starting clear. Starting new. The beginning of a journey is like the beginning of a new chapter in life. <br /><br />I am open to what the journey holds for me. I am excited to have something to stir up the mundane predictability of life. I have the sense that my time on the journey is both expansive and limited, and so I commit to being fully present in every moment, to fully live it and appreciate it. <br /><br />I love to go on journeys. I love to share the adventure with another, to share the joys and beautiful landscapes, to be prompted to experience things I normally wouldn't. And I also love the solo journey, where I can move at my own speed and be fully led by my own nature. Both have their own flavor, both have their own purpose, and both have their own stresses and benefits. Either way, a journey outside of my daily life, outside of my known routine...this is such a wonderful way to let go of stresses and let in new inspirations. <br /><br />The beginning of the journey is the source of all of the benefits that come from the entire journey. The benefits begin as I take those steps out of my front door, leaving behind the attitudes and perspectives that I don't need to take with me. It is my fresh start.betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1367567742442678207.post-15912688946182859162011-04-02T21:33:00.000-07:002011-04-02T22:36:32.875-07:00Thanking You: Day 24 of 40 DaysThank you for envisioning a positive interview for me today! It worked! But not in the way that <strong>I</strong> had envisioned it would! <br /><br />Life works in mysterious and perfect ways! When we open to being alive in the mystery, life can sometimes surprise us with it's perfection and serendipity. <br /><br />My interview today was at a clothing store in Mt. Shasta. It is a nice place, with really nice people working there, but not my ideal job. At this point though, with how the job search has been going, I would be totally happy to work there. It would have been 10-15 hours a week, working with an older clientel, using my creativity to design displays, and using my detail orientation in working with numbers in the Books. The interview, or "informal conversation," went quite well. It felt like the owner and I clicked well enough, and that I could pretend to enjoy the work enough to do it. I left the interview with both of us expressing our interest. But as the owner had already scheduled a couple more interviews in the next week, she said she would get back to me about the job. <br /><br />I called Lucas when the interview was complete. He was at another local shop where I had also put in a resume a few days ago. I went to meet him there. He met me outside, to tell me that the owner had been trying to get ahold of me regarding <strong>their</strong> open position. <br /><br />To make a longer story shorter....this owner was really impressed with my resume and had indeed called me to set up an interview. I never got the message. My phone must have not recorded it properly. And so when she never heard back from me, she prayed to the universe that I would come into the shop. <br /><br />And today, I arrived at the door of her store, unknowingly answering her call. Upfront, with no interview questions, she offered me a full-time job at a higher wage than I would ever expect in the area. The shop, <a href="http://www.crystalsmtshasta.com/">The Crystal Room</a>, sells amazing and beautiful crystals and crystal singing bowls. In addition to working on the sales floor, I will be assisting the owner with the crystal bowl ordering, learning a lot about this wonderful sound-healing tool in the process. I will not only feel good about the products that I am selling, but I will also be in a situation that will challenge me to learn and grow and move forward on my path. <br /><br />So, I have a job! I start on Monday! And I think that I am really going to love working there! I won't have to just pretend to enjoy it, I feel like I will love it. It feels as though the owner and I were both praying for each other, and serendipitously both of our prayers were answered. When I was sitting with her, I also had this strong intuitive feeling that I have a lot to learn from her personally. That one of the main reasons I was drawn to live in this area is to learn some important life lessons from this woman. Unsuspected perfection.<br /><br />For the rest of the day, I have felt a tremendous sense of relief coming over me. A huge weight is being lifted off of my shoulders. The pieces <strong>ARE</strong> really falling into place. It finally seems that we were right when we decided to move here. <br /><br />In reference to yesterday's post, I do really believe that what we put our thoughts and intentions into is what we are more likely to receive from life. If we worry about things not working out, they are more likely to not work out. If we envision things working out for us, they are more likely to do so.<br /><br />And so, I thank you for working with me to envision employment working out for me today. <br /><br />It did. WOO-HOO!! <br /><br />We are completely capable of creating what we dream of for ourselves, if only we would believe in it! <br /><br />What do you want for yourself? What is the most positive thing that you can envision for yourself in the near future? Can you let go of the doubts and worries that get in your way towards realizing these dreams?<br /><br />I see now that worrying in not productive. Worrying does us no good in helping ourselves create our dreams. Believing and trusting that we are capable of what we hope for is a powerful means towards making these hopes possible.betsy beehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17601204269281959650noreply@blogger.com0